Emily Ladau:
Hi, I’m Emily Ladau.
Kyle Khachadurian:
And I’m Kyle Khachadurian.
Emily Ladau:
And you’re listening to another episode of The Accessible Stall.
Kyle Khachadurian:
What are we going to talk about today, Emily?
Emily Ladau:
Friendship.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Friendship.
Emily Ladau:
The meme with Spongebob.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I was thinking the exact same thing. Imagination.
Emily Ladau:
Imagination.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I was thinking the exact same thing.
Emily Ladau:
That’s what I was envisioning. But first of all, I feel like we should address that we have been MIA for a couple of months, and that is because life was happening and we needed to take some time. But we’re here and we’re back and we’re in action. And we-
Kyle Khachadurian:
And we love you.
Emily Ladau:
Want to talk about friends. Oh, we do love you. We do. And you know what? We’re going to say it early today. You look so good.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes, you do. You in those sexy pants look so good.
Emily Ladau:
Question. What if they’re not wearing pants though?
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s even sexier.
Emily Ladau:
But what if it’s because it’s a dress.
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s even sexier, but not as sexy as no pants. That’s still sexier than pants, but not as sexy as no pants.
Emily Ladau:
So friendship. Here’s the thing. We have been friends for quite some time, and I feel like I need to tell our friendship love story. I’m sure I have before. In a hundred whatever episodes, I’ve definitely told this before, right?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Maybe. I think you have. But let’s let the new listeners who haven’t gone back here.
Emily Ladau:
Okay. Yes. Well, welcome, if you’re not digging deep into the archives. And we started talking sometime before we actually met in person. And then we had both gone to the same summer camp, but we never went at the same time. And there was an alumni day and we were at the alumni day and I saw Kyle and I got so excited and I went up to him and I said hi. And then I was like, “Are you a hugger?”
Kyle Khachadurian:
You a hugger? Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
And do you know what he said?
Kyle Khachadurian:
What did I say? I actually forgot. Oh yeah, I remember you. What did I say?
Emily Ladau:
He goes, “Today I am.”
Kyle Khachadurian:
Which is, at this point in my life, a lie. Now I am a bonafide hugger. I will hug.
Emily Ladau:
But at that time, there was a very clear like, do not touch me vibe. So I felt like I won the lottery.
Kyle Khachadurian:
You did. I had to unlearn that, truly. I think actually, genuinely, I think you were a big part of that. Because once we became friends and you knew I was a hugger, that was it for me. I was like, I need to get over that real quick because-
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, you better you hug me every time you see me. But also, the thing about that though is I am not here to judge if somebody is genuinely not a hugger or doesn’t want to touch. I ask if somebody is a hugger because I don’t want to impose that. Although it’s really funny because the way that Kyle hugs me is instead of sending it to waste, like most people do, he just fish slops his body on me. It’s so funny.
Kyle Khachadurian:
It is easier for me to do that.
Emily Ladau:
Well, obviously it’s a disability thing.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes. But-
Emily Ladau:
It’s really funny.
Kyle Khachadurian:
But it’s also, I can do it that way. It is just easier for me not to do it that way.
Emily Ladau:
I don’t need you to hug me in any particular way. But anyway, the moral of that story is we’ve been friends for well over a decade now, but on the occasion of a decade of friendship and also my 30th birthday, he got me a trophy that says, “30 years of you, 10 years of friendship.” It’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten. And he’s holding up the heart now like T-Swift does.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes. I should tell my listener, our listeners. Oh, that was so rude. It’s our-
Emily Ladau:
My listeners. Oh.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Only the ones that like me more. No, I’m just kidding. That I’m-
Emily Ladau:
You definitely have a cult fan following.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Oh, I’m sure you do too. In fact, I know you do. But I’m a terrible gift giver. I don’t like that about myself, but I’m not good at gifts usually. So I was very proud of that one. I don’t know if I will top that in the near future, genuinely, for anybody.
Emily Ladau:
It was very thoughtful. We can use that in the image for the show.
Kyle Khachadurian:
We’ll post the picture in the [inaudible 00:05:09]
Emily Ladau:
Because I have a picture of you holding it up.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Oh, that’s cute. I didn’t know that.
Emily Ladau:
But anyway. Okay, so friendship, I think we should for real talk about it because yes, you and I are friends, but also we’re getting older and the older we get, the harder I feel like it gets to make friends. And that has to do with age, but it also has to do with being a disabled person and just the vibes of the world that we live in. And you have so many stories to tell because guys, let me tell you, Kyle has been putting himself out there to make friends and it is impressive. I do not think I have that in me. And I’m more extroverted.
Kyle Khachadurian:
You-
Emily Ladau:
Go ahead.
Kyle Khachadurian:
You don’t have it in you, but I know what you’re saying. But what they don’t know is that you can make friends with a house plant. You don’t need to have it in you to do what I did. And you have plenty in you. But yeah, no, I like to-
Emily Ladau:
I do have a good succulent.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, yeah.
Emily Ladau:
Anyway, go on.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I think I’m going to become a plant dad. Apropos of nothing.
Emily Ladau:
Oh my God, you totally should.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I need some green in this-
Emily Ladau:
And then you can talk with all your new friends about being a plant dad.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah. I like to start this story. I like to say I met a guy on Bumble because I’m a straight guy and that will never cease to amuse me. But I did not know that Bumble has a friendship app. And for those who don’t know me in real life, and even for some of you who do, I don’t do that. I don’t do that. I don’t like to meet people. Not in a misanthropic way. Just in all of my hobbies are ones that I like to do alone. I understand meeting people is important, but I’m an introverted person and my hobbies don’t help me.
Emily Ladau:
But it’s your tone of voice that made that so funny to me, you were like, “I don’t do that.” There was almost panic in your voice as you said it.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, because I was panicking-
Emily Ladau:
Yeah.
Kyle Khachadurian:
When I did this. Straight up, genuine anxiety attack for no reason. Nothing happened yet, by the way, just for anyone who also has random panic attacks. But I was like, what the fuck am I doing this for? No one’s going to talk to me and I’m not going to like anyone who does because that also happens. And also if you do that, they only show you people who match your gender identity. And that goes for whatever you put it. You can put in anything and they’ll show you people who match you, which is sick. But I have always gotten along better with women. However, since I was already out of my comfort zone, I was like fuck it, I need more dudes in my life anyway. Let’s go. And for the first couple of days, I experienced 0.00001% of what every woman who was attracted to men experiences on apps like this.
Because these guys were so, so, so boring. And I don’t mean boring like they weren’t into the stuff that I was into. They might have been. We didn’t get that far. I am not a professional orator. I have the charisma of a plank of wood. These people did not know how to carry a conversation.
Emily Ladau:
I think you’re great.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Thank you. These people did not know how to carry a conversation. And I was pulling my hair out. It was so annoying. Like, I’m doing this thing-
Emily Ladau:
Oh, my God, you’re going to have to bleep the [inaudible 00:08:57] out of this.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I was doing this thing that makes me actively uncomfortable, even though I’m sitting in my bedroom where I’m safe and I’m like, I can’t handle it. And then I stumbled upon this guy, I’m not going to say his name because he does listen to this show. Thank you, bud.
Emily Ladau:
Hi, new friend.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah. This is weird for you, I bet. And he was just so normal. I don’t know how to say it. He was a person with a personality, which I didn’t know-
Emily Ladau:
I have a question.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes?
Emily Ladau:
Was he normal or was he your brand of weird?
Kyle Khachadurian:
I don’t think he’d be offended if I said that he’s my brand of weird, but when I say normal-
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, I don’t mean that in a judgmental way.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, I know you don’t. I know, I’m just telling them. But when I say normal, I don’t mean… Everyone has a personality somewhere. I just mean we got past the, hey, hey, what are you doing? Nothing. Okay, cool. I guess I’ll die. I guess that’s it then. What am I supposed to do with that? So he invited me out to a place I’ve been before, but to an event I haven’t. And he literally met me with open arms. He gave me a hug, which I thought was brave.
Emily Ladau:
It all comes back to the hugging
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, and like-
Emily Ladau:
Way to push past toxic masculinity.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, I loved it. I was more than happy to give him a hug. The reason I bring it up is because instinctively I would not do that. And I was like, why not actually? Why not? It made me think about myself. This is someone who I agreed to meet. I know what I’m getting myself into. What’s wrong with a hug? I mean, I could have been uncomfortable with it, but I learned immediately that he was the kind of guy that would’ve been like, “Oh my bad, I won’t do it again.” And he was cool. And he’s cool about disability, and I didn’t have to tell him because he listened to the podcast, which I totally forgot about. So I did end up telling him. And then he was like, “I know.” And I was like, “What?”
And we’ve been hanging out. And he also introduced me to his friends. So now we’re all friends, and I realize that this makes me sound like a schoolgirl who got her first school boyfriend and is so excited about it. But honestly, it feels like that because it is so… I don’t know what not pathetic way to sound when I say it’s not easy for me to make friends. I don’t like losing friends because it’s so hard for me to make them. I understand that it happens, but-
Emily Ladau:
How is that pathetic though? I feel like that’s just a reality for so many reasons.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, no, I know. Yeah, I guess you’re right. I guess you’re right. But-
Emily Ladau:
We are so quick to judge ourselves, and I think so many people are in the same boat. We want to make friends. It’s just really challenging to do that. We don’t live in a world that is conducive to making friends. And especially when you add disability into the mix, it’s like dating in the sense of do I tell them, do I drop the bomb on them? And it’s different when you meet originally in person, but the apps really introduce that element.
Kyle Khachadurian:
So a little inside baseball for all of you lovely listeners. The way that this episode started in our heads was Emily and I were talking about it and I said, “Being disabled and trying to make friends is like,” it wasn’t even about trying to make friends at the offset, but it was like, man, being disabled, you have to be charming because able-bodied people kind of don’t like us, and we’re expected to make them comfortable? And it’s like you’re dating the entire world all the time. And then that snowballed into actual relationships. But yeah, and it’s true though. It’s true. And if you’re disabled, tell us, do you agree with that? Because I think you do. I bet you do.
Emily Ladau:
I think when you said that to me, you were so spot on. Yeah. It’s literally like you have to turn it on for people all the time. And people in my life tend to tell me that I have multiple layers of personality and that I interact with people publicly a certain way where I don’t do that when I’m with people who I’m already comfortable with. But a lot of it is a safety thing. For example, I was going to say I was traveling, but the reality is this happens to me all the time when I’m traveling, where people offer me help or impose themselves on me, and I have to smile and sit there and take it. I had two older men who saw me rolling a suitcase, and then they came over and then they were like, “Got to let us help you with that.”
And then they took it from me, and then they were like, “Where are you going? Where are you staying?” And I was like, oh my God. I’m absolutely not telling two creepy men where I’m staying, even though they’re just trying to help me. So that’s not a friendship thing, but it goes back to the, you have to be nice to everybody. And I often have to make self-deprecating jokes about disability to make other people feel more comfortable. And I can’t just go out in the world and exist without making other people feel comfortable. So that comes back to the whole friendship thing because then I’m constantly, if I’m meeting new people, I’m like, how do I immediately disarm you so that you’re not uncomfortable with my disability? It’s a mental calculus that I always have to do.
Kyle Khachadurian:
How do you do it?
Emily Ladau:
I mean, well, okay-
Kyle Khachadurian:
You charm people.
Emily Ladau:
I was going to say, I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a jerk, but I just turn on the charm and usually people like me. But can I just tell you something that makes me really sad actually?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
So I assume that the people that I’m going to talk about will never ever hear this, but I just joined a synagogue with my partner and we were looking at it in the hopes that it would bring social opportunities. And there was a couple that we met and I thought they were super cool and we have a friend in common, and I really wanted to be friends with them, and it just was not vibing at all.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Oh, no.
Emily Ladau:
And I feel so bad about myself, and I’m like, am I not charming?
Kyle Khachadurian:
You found the one person it doesn’t work on. Oh, damn it.
Emily Ladau:
No, but I also think that maybe there’s a little social awkwardness on their part too. So I think I just have to be understanding about the fact that sometimes you’re not going to vibe with people. But I also had the thought, I was like, is it my wheelchair? Does my wheelchair make my butt look too big?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Right. Because they can see it when you’re sitting down. That’s how you determine the width of a wheelchair, everybody, you just measure the [inaudible 00:16:16] of the person who’s sitting in it. That’s not how you do it. But I don’t want anyone to think that’s facts.
Emily Ladau:
I was like, oh man, they don’t like me. However, we did then, a couple of weeks later go out to dinner with this couple, and my partner was already friends with the husband from childhood, but I really liked the wife and I want to be friends with her. And so I was like-
Kyle Khachadurian:
There you go.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, and-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Double dates forever now.
Emily Ladau:
And we had a conversation where we were actually talking about friendship and how hard it is to make friends. And almost like having that conversation was what bonded us.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Isn’t that something?
Emily Ladau:
It was truly fascinating. However, the thought of going on an app to make friends, it’s a fantastic idea, but I don’t know that I could do it.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I mean, clearly I’ve done something right, so take these words with a grain of salt, but I’m not saying that to brag. I find it very difficult to talk about myself in a way that is honest, but it’s also selling myself. I feel like I’m on a freaking job interview for friend. It’s so weird.
Emily Ladau:
No, it’s so true. You’re so right. You have to highlight your resume and qualifications for why you’d be a good friend.
Kyle Khachadurian:
And the questions that these apps have are just not conducive to, some of them are, but some of them are like, what are three red flags about you? It’s like, what the…? I don’t need to tell you that. You don’t know me yet. What are you talking about, man?
Emily Ladau:
Right. We don’t need to get that out of the way right now.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Why is that not in the DMs where they should be?
Emily Ladau:
I have a question.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah?
Emily Ladau:
What is it called? Bumble friends?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Bumble BFF.
Emily Ladau:
Bumble BFF, thank you. Which hashtag non-sponsored, but totally should be.
Kyle Khachadurian:
But like please.
Emily Ladau:
Do you think that it’s an accessibility tool in a way?
Kyle Khachadurian:
It definitely could be. If you are one of the, especially, I mean, I’m not, but if you’re a disabled person who thrives on Twitter, for example, who primarily makes community online, yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, I think the purpose is to meet in real life eventually, but as long as you can get somebody’s phone number, yes, it totally could be. Absolutely.
Emily Ladau:
I also think it could bridge the gap for people who maybe aren’t great at just going up to someone or who maybe doesn’t go out too often because it’s not super accessible. So it’s almost like a friendship vetting service.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Well, I don’t do that because it’s not accessible. I don’t do that because I don’t do that. No, but honestly, but the end result is the same. And I’ve been trying to be better at that too. And it is so different to go up to a person in a bar. If my dad could hear this, he would think, I’m nuts. My dad, I’ve watched that man drive, stop the car, pull over to talk to a stranger about their dog. So to him, this would sound insane, but it’s not a joke.
Emily Ladau:
Oh, no. I believe it completely.
Kyle Khachadurian:
And I’ve gone to bars and those places where you’re supposed to meet people, and I’ve gone up to people and I’ve chatted them up for a little while. It’s impossible to ask a man for his phone number if you’re a man, because either they think you are gay or they think you’re gay.
Emily Ladau:
In a derogatory way?
Kyle Khachadurian:
No. I mean, they think you’re hitting on them or they’re turned off by the fact that they think you’re hitting on them.
Emily Ladau:
Oh, I thought you meant in the toxic masculinity way, where unfortunately people are like, “Oh, that’s so gay.” Which I-
Kyle Khachadurian:
I do mean that. That’s the second part of what I meant.
Emily Ladau:
Got it. Okay. Yeah, that’s what I was clarifying.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Sorry, I tried to be funny about it, but that is what I was saying.
Emily Ladau:
No, no. I mean, I totally got the joke, but I also just wanted to make sure I got the joke. You know what I meant?
Kyle Khachadurian:
I got you. I got you.
Emily Ladau:
Anyway.
Kyle Khachadurian:
And I don’t want to go up to random women to do that either, because they’re going to think I’m hitting on them. You know what I mean? And I’ve never done this, but I think it’d be insane to be like, hey, can I get your number, and then somehow make it that I’m not hitting on you. You know what I mean? That’s a weird, I feel uncomfortable doing that.
Emily Ladau:
No, I get it. Friendship is such a gendered thing.
Kyle Khachadurian:
And I would feel less uncomfortable doing it if I actually was hitting on somebody with the intent of getting their phone number because at least then they know what I’m trying to do. We’re on the same page. I don’t know if I’m going to get it, but they know what’s happening. But that is the default position when I, someone who looks like me, goes up to a woman and then she looks back at me, she has a thing in her head about what I’m going to do. And if I am doing that, then at least we’re on the same page, even if she’s completely turned off. But there’s no good way for me to be like, hey, actually no, I just want to be friends. That’s weird.
Emily Ladau:
Because that also sounds like a line.
Kyle Khachadurian:
And it sounds like a lie too. I know you said line.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah. L-I-N-E. But yeah, also a lie.
Kyle Khachadurian:
But it sounds like an L-I-E too. And it’s like, no. And it’s just weird. I’m a very introverted person. I don’t like going outside. I don’t like talking to anyone. I think on my profile it says introverted professional yapper. That is who I am. But-
Emily Ladau:
Oh my God, that’s so true. You’re extremely introverted. But once you get talking, you’re just like-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, I don’t shut up.
Emily Ladau:
You go.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, Emily just heard me rant for an hour before we-
Emily Ladau:
Before we even started recording this.
Kyle Khachadurian:
But it’s so weird. And also for me, I have hobbies that are… The Venn diagram of people who leave the house, who have the hobbies I have are two circles that are five miles apart. And also-
Emily Ladau:
Tell the people your hobbies, Kyle.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I love video games. I like computers. I don’t like anime, but I have been watching an anime that a friend recommended to me, and I unfortunately do like it. And I worry that I’m going to become a person who does like anime. And if I do, Emily, I want you to kill me. No. If you like anime, that’s cool. I was always that nerd who liked everything except animes. So all my nerdy friends would make fun of me for it. And now I’m like, “Hey guys, what’s up? I’m here now.”
Emily Ladau:
I mean, just to be clear, Kyle really is kidding. He’s such a dork.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I am a dork. I’m a huge dork. But I’ll give you an example. She’s not going to mind if I say this. I reconnected with a friend from college recently, and she’s also a super introverted person. And we read books together separately, not together at all, but we read in our spare time and then text each other about it. I love it. I’m sure she loves it. It’s great. That is the kind of person that I am, and that’s also the kind of person that I attract usually. So there’s no blame, right? But what ends up happening is that you are lonely, even though you have people in your life that care about you.
Emily Ladau:
Right. Well, also, I mean, it’s dependent on people reaching out. And I feel like that’s the thing about friendship too, is actually making an effort to make that connection. And of course, I have to bring it back to disability, so I’m going to. The other thing too is I honestly feel like sometimes there’s something about having other disabled friends that is so much different in how we communicate than non-disabled people. And I have non-disabled friends, and I love them to the absolute ends of the earth. But in terms of engaging with disabled people, there’s almost like that layer of shared understanding where my communication can be a little bit different with them and a little bit almost less intentional because they already get it. I don’t know. I have to think through what I mean by that a little bit more. But there’s just something to be said for like, oh, you understand me, and you know that maybe I’m not communicating because I am having a bad pain day, or I don’t know.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I will say, I’m not going to say how because it’s nobody’s business, but the friends that I made are marginalized in other ways. And I do find it very interesting, genuinely, how I felt that exact same shared understanding despite the fact that the ways in which we are marginalized could not be farther apart.
Emily Ladau:
No, it means something.
Kyle Khachadurian:
There is something to that. There genuinely is something to that. Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah. I think it’s just that ease with which you’re like, yeah, there’s some stuff stacked against us in the world, so we can make it a little better for each other by being friends.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Exactly. And you know what it is too? I think even if you get the courage to do the things that are conducive to making friends, and even if you managed to meet a person, and even if you managed to gain a way to contact them regularly, you still run into the problem that is, well, okay, now if you’re around our age, you’re in your thirties and you just met somebody new and you’re already established as a person in almost every other way of your life probably, so that means that now you have to juggle your high-priority obligations and relationships, which means that you probably won’t have time for this new person that you just met, even though you like them enough to introduce yourself to them.
Emily Ladau:
Are you saying adulting sex? Because that’s what I’m hearing.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah. I mean, honestly, I think I am, and that’s why, man, I’m such a dork, but when I talk to people on the phone that I know and have known, I usually say, “Thank you for spending time with me.” And they always say the same. They’re like, “Oh, you don’t have to thank me.” It’s like, I know, but I do though, because you chose to do this over anything else. It’s nice-
Emily Ladau:
Okay. But I’m totally going to call you out because-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, I know. I don’t do it to you. I know I don’t do it to you. I know, I know. And I shouldn’t have said that because-
Emily Ladau:
No. No, you did do that to me, but you apologized for yourself.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Oh, yeah.
Emily Ladau:
It wasn’t even, it was not so much a thank you as you were like, “Sorry for robbing you of your weekend.” I was like, are you freaking for real right now?
Kyle Khachadurian:
I was sad. No, no, but you’re right. No, but you’re right. Why? What’s wrong with that?
Emily Ladau:
Why are you apologizing for talking to your friend? Anyway-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Exactly. No, you’re right. You’re absolutely right.
Emily Ladau:
But that’s the thing. I don’t need you to say thank you.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I know.
Emily Ladau:
It’s nice. It’s fine. I certainly don’t need you to apologize. But yeah, I mean, no, friendship is about not being transactional.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah. Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
And I have another disability thing to say too.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, let’s go. I want it all. I want it all.
Emily Ladau:
Well, I’m saying this because I know it’s different for you. When I was younger, I was super embarrassed if I was around other disabled people because I felt like it called more attention to my own disability, and I didn’t grow up around a lot of disabled peers. And then the only time that I would spend time with them was in this completely isolated setting at summer camp where of course I could be friends with other disabled people from summer camp, but we were all disabled and it wasn’t calling attention to anything. And yeah, I mean, I am so over that embarrassment right now. Give me the circus of every disabled person you got.
Kyle Khachadurian:
It is different for me, but despite having grown up with a bunch of disabled people, I definitely felt the exact same way. I grew out of it. I love hanging out with disabled people. In fact, this just happened today. Sometimes there’s a shared… How do I say this? How do I say this in a way that makes sense to people who aren’t disabled? This has happened twice to me recently, where I’ve had objectively what is ableism work out in my favor. And when you’re with someone who’s disabled and there’s something that is unmistakably ableist, see, you’re nodding because you get it, something that is not supposed to happen, and they only did it because you’re disabled and you’re being discriminated against. But it’s positive and you have this mutual understanding of like, hmm, that really shouldn’t have happened, but I don’t hate it at all.
Emily Ladau:
Like when you get to the front of a line or I get let onto the ferry by my apartment for free.
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s really nice, actually. I was having coffee with somebody a while back, a long time ago. I think it was in January actually. Why the hell? It must’ve been a warm day, and there was no room. No room in the place, none. There was nowhere for us to sit. And the lady saw me, and the lady saw her, and the lady looked at me and the lady looked at her and they were like, “You people are differently shaped.” And she let us sit on top of the stairs. There was a little, you know how sometimes when you… I was about to say-
Emily Ladau:
Hold on. Did you say differently shaped? Because that’s it. That’s my new euphemism.
Kyle Khachadurian:
That is what we are. I was about to say, you know how when you climb the stairs, no, you don’t. But you know how sometimes at the top of the staircase there’s room before the door.
Emily Ladau:
Hold on. Do you know what is so funny? I am wearing a shirt that says [inaudible 00:32:03] stairs right now.
Kyle Khachadurian:
She is. It’s beautiful. Shout out Lindsey.
Emily Ladau:
Do go on. Do go on.
Kyle Khachadurian:
They put us there and we looked at each other and we were like, “Was that ableism?” And she was like, “I think so.” But I was like, yeah.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, no, sometimes ableism is so good.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I wish it was good all the time.
Emily Ladau:
Someone’s going to quote that out of context.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Here’s something for you. I used to say that I don’t want to be treated differently about having a disability at all. No, I do. I want to be treated better. I very much do. I want to cut every line, I want free [inaudible 00:32:43]. Give it to me. I want it all. Yes, please.
Emily Ladau:
Only because it’s so annoyingly difficult to exist.
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s right. It’s annoying for me, and I don’t have the kind of access limitations that you do. And I am not saying that as a ha-ha kind of thing. I mean that. I get annoyed every day about my own access limitations that are so different from yours that are objectively more accessible to the world than yours are. And I still feel that [inaudible 00:33:19]. I cannot imagine, and again, I don’t want to say that in an empathy exercise kind of way. I’m being sincere. It must drive you bananas.
Emily Ladau:
That’s the thing. Oh my God, have I made this joke on the podcast? I must have. I make it every time I give a speaking engagement where I’m like, my special needs are for you to fan me and feed me grapes and treat me like a queen. That’s my joke. And it gets laughs every time. But my point is actually no. At this point, my special needs are just like actually treat me like a queen. Seriously. I’m disabled. Treat me like a queen. Come on, Arie. I’m obviously kidding.
Kyle Khachadurian:
But you felt the need to make that joke, to make your able-bodied audience comfortable because it feels like we’re on a date with all GD world all the time.
Emily Ladau:
Oh my God. The way you just brought that full circle was so beautiful.
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s our specialty. That’s our specialty, baby. Let’s go. No, but really when you make a room of people uncomfortable because you exist in it and nobody but you finds that weird for some reason, it’s your responsibility to make them feel better. What the hell is that? That doesn’t make any sense. That’s what it is to live like this every second of every day.
Emily Ladau:
The way I just had this conversation with my therapist where I was literally talking about being at an event and feeling like I needed to prove that I belonged there and should be taking up space.
Kyle Khachadurian:
You do, and you should, and you are deserving of being there.
Emily Ladau:
I mean, thank you. And also that’s because nobody else at the event was a wheelchair user except for my mother. So I really felt-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Extra antsy.
Emily Ladau:
Like I was… Yeah, right. I know I am always going to disability events, but this was not a disability event.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Oh, that’s even stranger. Okay. No, I was like, that’s weird that you went to a disability event where there weren’t any wheelchair users.
Emily Ladau:
No, no, no, no, no. No. And this is the thing for me, it was an event where it was technically for a friend, but I still somehow felt a little apologetic about my presence. Can I just say it’s a mind [inaudible 00:35:44] being disabled?
Kyle Khachadurian:
It is.
Emily Ladau:
I’m sorry for all the bleeping you have to do. Do we still bleep these episodes?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes, we do.
Emily Ladau:
Okay.
Kyle Khachadurian:
We make advertiser-friendly content.
Emily Ladau:
And speaking of supporting the podcast-
Kyle Khachadurian:
You can do so at Patreon.com/theaccessiblestall for just $1 a month guarantees that all current, present at… Current and present mean the same thing. All current and future episodes of the Accessible Stall remain what?
Emily Ladau:
Accessible.
Kyle Khachadurian:
And-
Emily Ladau:
Can you-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Seriously-
Emily Ladau:
Insert that pew, pew, pew noise?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes, I can. And please give us your money if you’re willing and able, because honestly, we transcribe these and some people need those, man.
Emily Ladau:
I need them. I love me a transcript.
Kyle Khachadurian:
See, Emily needs them. And we all love Emily. Right? You’re not going to say no to Emily, are you? She’s the better half.
Emily Ladau:
There’s the pitch. I don’t agree, but I think we are equal halves-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Thank you.
Emily Ladau:
Of a whole. You know why? Because we are friends. We were friends first. This podcast was just a project that blossomed from the love of our friendship.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Into a beautiful baby. Why did I just turn into Moira Rose?
Emily Ladau:
Because Schitt’s Creek is also a thing that we love.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Oh. Schitt’s Creek is fantastic. I’m not bleeping that. That’s the name of the show.
Emily Ladau:
Nope. That’s a good show. S-C-H-I-T-T-S. That is not a curse word.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No.
Emily Ladau:
Anyway, do we have final takeaways? I did things out of order.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, if you want to be friends with us, just like DM us, bro.
Emily Ladau:
That’s our final takeaway.
Kyle Khachadurian:
We’re always looking for new friends. Yeah. Honestly, for real. Don’t be weird.
Emily Ladau:
You know the thing that people are doing now, have you read about this, where they’re making a Google Doc or a PowerPoint presentation, and I think it’s more so for dating, but it’s like, here’s why you should date me, or here’s why you should be my friend. I feel like this is our podcast episode to be like, be my friend.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Oh, wait, actually that’s funny. We should do that. We should do that. That’s really funny.
Emily Ladau:
Kyle, I’m going to make you a Google Doc.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Oh my God. Wait. No, you really should. That is actually hilarious. A lot of these apps-
Emily Ladau:
I’m going to make a… Oh, no. A Canva presentation.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Even better. A lot of these apps have the prompt, Review From a Friend. So
Emily Ladau:
Kyle-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Do it.
Emily Ladau:
Barton Khachadurian. How have you not asked-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Middle name mentioned.
Emily Ladau:
Me to do this yet?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Because I’ve-
Emily Ladau:
Sorry. Somebody can steal your identity now.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Oh, it’s okay. It’s fine. Well, didn’t you know that everyone in America, including the dead people that have had their socials leaked and it’s fine.
Emily Ladau:
I know. I’m joking.
Kyle Khachadurian:
So we’re all-
Emily Ladau:
But-
Kyle Khachadurian:
We’re all cooked.
Emily Ladau:
All right KBK. This is it.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Canva presentation for this guy. And I’ll make one for you.
Emily Ladau:
Let me write your review, please.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Oh my God. Wait, can you actually?
Emily Ladau:
Five stars. Yeah. Oh my God. No, I’m
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, you should.
Emily Ladau:
So experienced.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, no, no. Do it. Do it, do it. I feel like that would help.
Emily Ladau:
Five stars. 10 out of 10. Absolutely no notes. Stellar friend. No, I could really for real write one if you want it.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Do it. I do want you to do it. I want you to do it. I’m not joking.
Emily Ladau:
Great.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I will say if my friend who I met on Bumble is listening, I want you to know, at the risk of sounding weird, I have not, and I mean this, so much as opened the app since when we met. Since the time we met.
Emily Ladau:
I just felt nice feelings. They were all warm and cuddly.
Kyle Khachadurian:
This is not a joke. There’s notifications on there from people that clearly I was getting along with at some point, but… Oh, also, I should tell you, because it doesn’t matter. It’s 40 minutes in. This guy was the first person to message me back too. He was my first dude. He was my first guy.
Emily Ladau:
This is so beautiful.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yep. He was my first match. And you got to check out other ones, but they were all not as cool. Sorry to everybody else.
Emily Ladau:
I don’t know. Sometimes it just hits where it hits. But you know what? I’m going to say, this episode, it’s dedicated to him.
Kyle Khachadurian:
It is. It is.
Emily Ladau:
Might he say you, very specifically-
Kyle Khachadurian:
He looks really-
Emily Ladau:
Look good today.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Good today. Yes. Thank you, brother.
Emily Ladau:
But in a friendship way.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah. Yeah. He’s so funny.
Emily Ladau:
Oh my God. You have to tell him.
Kyle Khachadurian:
He’s very funny. I have to tell him. I tell you a lot [inaudible 00:40:44] too.
Emily Ladau:
Oh my God. Okay. Well, obviously we should end this episode so that we can have a very important conversation then.
Kyle Khachadurian:
All right. Good bite, everybody. What did I say? What did I just say? Good night, everybody. I did not-
Emily Ladau:
Did you say good-
Kyle Khachadurian:
I did.
Emily Ladau:
Bite?
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, I think I said M and B-
Emily Ladau:
Good bind?
Kyle Khachadurian:
At the same time. Good night everybody.
Emily Ladau:
Good mite.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
I feel so bad for the transcriber. I’m so sorry.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I’m cutting this specific part out because you can’t… Maybe leave it in. Let’s see if you can transcribe it. Good night everybody.
Emily Ladau:
Extra bonus points for you. Thanks so much for listening. Bye.
Kyle Khachadurian:
See you next time. Bye.